In today’s dating environment, how do you navigate self-defense and concealed carrying? Carrying on a date presents all kinds of questions: When do you bring it up? What do you do if you end up in a place where carry is prohibited? What if he feels it when he hugs you?
Full disclosure: I’ve been out of the dating scene for 17 years now, and thank goodness. I don’t know how I’d navigate the whole swipe-right thing that modern dating has turned into. So I hit the internet in search of sage advice (always a gamble), but most of the articles and forum discussions are from a man’s point of view. And of course, it’s different for women. There are definitely some common themes that emerged, though.
I’m also a little bit of a prude, so my perspective on dating has always been that dates are basically interviews for prospective long-term relationships. Hook-up culture and flings are a different story, with different considerations, but for the first date or two, the same guidelines apply no matter your goal.
Rule 1: Be Careful Where You Go
As you know, you can’t carry everywhere and in all situations. For this reason, surprise first dates are a no-no—agree on where you’ll meet and what you’ll do, and drive your own vehicle (more on that later).
You should already know the laws in your state and local area. Are guns prohibited in movie theaters or at amusement parks? Do “no guns allowed” signs carry the force of law in your state? If so, you cannot enter a posted establishment with your firearm.
This most commonly applies to bars and restaurants that serve alcohol. You know you can’t drink and carry legally or morally, so drinking alcohol is out. But some states prohibit you from carrying in any establishment that serves alcohol, whether you’re partaking or not. Consider this carefully when you’re planning where to meet for the date.
Rule 2: Size Up Your Date
If you’ve spent any time at all talking to this person or perusing their dating profile, you probably have some sense of which political direction they lean toward. This isn’t a surefire way to tell how they feel about guns, but it’ll give you a head’s up on the odds that this might become a contested topic.
If you have no idea which way they might lean, use the first date to ask leading questions. Don’t be a weirdo about it or dive right into politics and social justice topics, but pay attention and you’ll pick up plenty of context clues that will give you hints about how he or she leans. Ask him about his hobbies—even if that doesn’t give you any information, it opens the door for you to talk about your hobbies, and of course, you’ll mention that you enjoy going to the gun range. Then you can gauge his reaction.
Rule 3: Don’t Let Him Find Out Himself
What you don’t want is for him to discover that you have a gun on you before you broach the subject. If he goes in for a goodnight hug or kiss and feels the gun, things can get awkward quickly, and anyone who’s not a gun person might be freaked out to discover they’ve been that close to a loaded gun all night. Find a way to mention it before that happens or get good at hugging while hiding your gun. The two techniques I have perfected for this are the side-hug and the lean-in hug, where you hug with your upper body while your hips are jutted out a little bit behind you and you’re leaning in. It’s more natural than it sounds.
Of course, you don’t want to blurt out “I have a gun” on a first date, and you probably don’t want to bring it up on a first date at all unless circumstances force you to or it comes up organically (like if he volunteers that he loves to hunt). But you should probably bring it up on maybe the second or third date, for many reasons. For one, the longer this goes, the higher the chance that he’ll discover it himself by accident, either via a hug or when you have to say “Wait, I can’t go in this place” and he asks why. And secondly, gun ownership is a deal-breaker for some people. If you are dating with long-term potential in mind, don’t hide deal-breaking revelations from people for long. Get them out of the way relatively early so no one is wasting their time.
Rule 4: Have a Plan to Secure the Gun
If you purse carry, you already know that you must keep your purse under your control at all times. This gets difficult to do on some activity-based dates, so keep it in mind.
You also must consider what you’ll do if you need to take the gun off for any reason—whether it’s because you’re entering an establishment where you can’t legally carry, or because things are going really well in a clothing-comes-off direction. If you’re a few dates in and you’re headed back to his place (don’t do that on a first date!), what are you going to do with your gun overnight? You can’t leave it in your purse in the hallway, and you can’t leave it laying on the bedroom floor next to your crumpled-up pants. In fact, I don’t recommend bringing a gun into a date’s home without their knowledge at all.
This is when having your own vehicle comes in handy. Keep a small gun safe or at least a gun lock in your car so you can secure your concealed-carry firearm if you ever have to remove it. If you haven’t already had the “I’m concealed carrying” conversation, you’ll likely want to at this point.
Concealed carrying while dating doesn’t have to be a big deal, but there are some simple rules to follow to make sure you remain safe and legal and to help you bring up the subject at the right time in a way that doesn’t freak anyone out. And if you want a shortcut to bypass this whole process, that’s easy: Have your first date at the local gun range!
